I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
