When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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