last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
