I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
