That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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