Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
