Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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