I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
