At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my being single is dangerous.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
