I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
