Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
