Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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