I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize