bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
