Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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