I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
