Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm always down for nudity.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
