i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
