I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
