Your mouth is God's brothel.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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