4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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