get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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