I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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