I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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