I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
