It's Friday. Sex?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
