I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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