I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
