How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
