i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
