So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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