I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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