So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it's like iHOP with fire
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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