Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
