I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
