News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
