Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
