I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
