that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
