she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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