There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I will be naked everywhere
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
