when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
