I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
