I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
