After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
