John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
