is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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