Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
