I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
