Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and she was petting her beer can
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
