I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
