i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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