K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
