how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
