I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
