Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
