Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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