I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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