1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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