Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
