That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
