i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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