The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
