When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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