Sry I called you an 8
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
