just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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