We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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