Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
foreskin is a definite game changer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
