it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
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We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
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Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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