Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My liver just had a heart attack.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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