I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Shame is for Republicans.
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